Marry for Love, Culture, or Proximity?

By: Millie Monyo

I was recently in the presence of a few African men and I being the only woman at the table the conversation naturally turned to male / female relationships. Somewhere over the course of the conversation one of the men stated that he was just dating American “African” women but he would eventually go “home” to marry.

Now, at first… This comment threw me for a loop but then I thought about it a bit. I’ve always been intrigued by the American raised Africans who go “home” to marry… My sister ended up marrying someone from “home” and is very happy but it wasn’t necessarily her master plan. I know the immigration process can be lengthy and frustrating and could take upward of twenty months, lots of money, ingenuity, and perseverance. So I had to ask this guy why??

Why go through this torturous immigration process? Why go home to marry a random instead of marrying the woman they’ve wined and dined and romanced right here in the US? Most of these US raised women are well-educated, well-read, and well-traveled; they are well mannered and have proven their reliability. They have demonstrated their abilities and capabilities in all matters marital. They are women of two worlds: they know Africa and also understand the US way of life. So why leave this woman to go home to marry the “unknowns”? These are the answers they gave me …

#1 They can
It’s as simple as that.

#2 Most men are under the illusion that the women back home are innocent, un-spoilt and virginal.
(Note that I said illusion)

#3 It is an ego boosting exercise in that it allows them to demonstrate to their people back in Africa that they too can bring one of their own to the US.

#4 It allows some men to mask their "failures and shortcomings" since the women who are already in the US can tell where they are on the social and economic ladder.

Some men want their women to look up to them since it makes them appear more than what and who they really are.

Lastly and most importantly according to this guy, “African girls in the US have all gone bad…rotten… are too exposed… and too independent.” I just had to laugh. For me this was a debate not even worth having! All I will say is someone needs a REALITY CHECK!

What do you all think? Have African Girls in the US gone bad, or perhaps, on the path of going bad?