Seasonal Friends

By: Millie Monyo

Kanye West said it best in his song, Heard em’ Say; “They say people in your life are seasons and everything that happens is for a reason.”

I never felt this statement more than when I found myself in a situation with a so called “good friend.”

The nuts and bolts of it:

Friend sets you up on a date with one of her friends… you meet and go out with the guy just to see what he’s all about… You get along with the guy and start seeing him… Friend starts bad-mouthing you to the guy… Guy tells you that your friend is shady… You confront friend and the guy and realize this “friend” is not really a friend…

Now of course there’s more to this story, but I’ll spare you the specific details.

I’m happy to report however, that through this situation, I was able to realize that the the time was up for my friendship with this person.

Now don’t get me wrong, friends argue and disagree and true friendship should not be taken for granted, nor should it be lost and irretrievable. The friends that I've ushered in and cultivated, even those who have drifted away from me, have all taught me valuable lessons, but through this situation, I’ve learned to recognize the difference between each person who enters into our lives. Some are here for a reason; some for a season, and a small amount are here for a lifetime.

When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a god-send, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die or fade into anonymity. Sometimes, circumstances dictate that they go in another direction leaving you to wonder. Sometimes they walk away, uncaring and unwilling. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. Reasons can go against you, but when they do, all you can do is assess it for what it’s worth and know when it's time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a season. They may only be there for a short period of time based on premeditated agendas; they may have motives that are not condoned by you, or because your turn has come to share with them in growing or learning new initiatives for the future. If all things are good, they may bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may introduce you to new routines and techniques that you have never experienced. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real! But only for a season; they might move on. The key to coming full circle after misunderstandings that may have caused a rift is to humble yourself, accept that perhaps you could have done something better, and move on. If it's meant to be they will return, if not then it just wasn't meant to be.

Lifetime relationships are harder to recognize, but with time can produce the best friends of your life. How many people do you know are willing to persevere in friendship for the long haul? Find one, and you are a lucky person! Lifetime friends teach lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. They accept you for what you are, do not prematurely judge you, do not have any inhibitions about taking chances for the betterment of the relationship, and surely feel that compatibility is something that is assessed as you go, not at the spur of the moment. They don't adhere to conditions and will always be there. There’s got to be something that you can learn from this type of person. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. I challenge you to recognize, categorize and evaluate your friendships!