The Ex- Factor

By: Millie Monyo

In today’s fast-paced life we all have less time to go out and meet new people. If they live in large cities, there is no sense of community and meeting new people is often the result of circumstance. The people that we meet and eventually go out with usually result from work encounters or friends setting them us up on blind dates. Some relationships develop through sheer luck, but most of them stem from our circle of friends.

Every now and again, I have this recurring dream, or maybe I should call it a nightmare. It involves an ex-boyfriend that calls me out of the blue to tell me he is engaged to be married!!! And to top it off, the woman he happens to be engaged to is a “friend” of mine.

I always wake up from this dream feeling some kind of a way. I mean it is clear that we have both moved on. The feelings that we had for each other will always remain but that is in the past…

Why does it bother me so much??

I guess I just can’t seem to figure out how out of all of the many women out there… WHY he had to choose MY friend? Is it just me? I always thought there were some unwritten rules out there that stated that this was a violation of the “Ex code of ethics”.

Maybe the rules should be written so that it’s crystal clear…

1. Friends don’t dates exes – If the “ex rule” is broken, chances are the friendship will be lost.   Point blank period!
2. Never use anything a friend says about an ex to your advantage – In this circumstance, if you choose to remain friends with a friends’ ex, don’t break this one. This can lead to a physical fight breaking out, which is never a positive thing.
3. You always still care – As much as a person swears that their exes don’t mean anything to them, it still hurts when you realize that they have found someone new. If that someone is a close friend, it just amplifies the pain.

At the end of the day:

No matter how long you’ve been infatuated with this person and no matter how much you think you’re in love… If you were too shy or embarrassed to ask her out in the beginning, it’s too bad, you lost your opportunity so drop it.

It is always easier to approach someone you know, and chances are your friend spilled enough juicy details about his former partner that you know exactly what makes them tick. Although this train of thought may tempt you, forget about it! Find someone else!!