Categories: Lifestyle

You’re Pretty For A Dark-Skinned Girl.!?

By: Millie Monyo

Photo credit: www.modiva.tumblr.com

While I was perusing my monthly fashion mags, I kept seeing advertisements that said “Love the skin you’re in” “Black is beautiful” and India Aire’s song “Brown Skin” kept popping into my head.

I absolutely adore my chocolaty cocoa milo complexion and feel even more obligated to make that known as I have my 11 year old sister Maya looking up to me… but I do remember an awkward time in my life around junior high when I wished I was in anything but the skin I was in.

This led me to ponder some questions… Do you truly love the skin you’re in? Are you happy about it? The late Curtis Mayfield wrote in a song, “if you had a choice of colors, which one would you choose to be right.” I remember lines like, “the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice," and “If you’re White, you’re all right. If you’re brown, stick around, but if you’re Black, get back."

Has this situation changed pertaining to how we date each other, or who we marry? Did the "Black is Beautiful" revolution change our perceptions on the color of our skin? Is skin color, still an issue in Black America today?

Skin color for the most part may no longer be the issue it was at the beginning of the 20th century, but it is still a hidden and dangerous issue that is whispered softly in clubs and social settings, at Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts, at church fellowship and funeral repasts, and with the lot of us who still have those notions described above. It is the family secret that won’t go away–the hushed murmurings of high-yellow and redbone, high-brown, medium-brown and blue-black, the inner language of skin color, shade and variation.

I’ve always wanted to ask specific questions to this ‘skin thang’ and get the type of answers that would be conducive to how perception can screw up the best intent in how people view from the outside looking in. We come in all shades and hues but are we truly accepting of them all?

Colorism in the United States is a practice that began in times of slavery due to white slave-owners’ assertion that any person black (African) or associated with blackness was inferior or lowly. Common practices of the time were to allow the slaves with the lighter complexion (more commonly the offspring of the slave masters and their slaves) to engage in less strenuous usually domesticated duties, while the darker, more African looking slaves participated in hard labor, which was more than likely outdoors.

It never ceased to amaze me how people seem to connote skin color with certain mindsets good and bad. I always wondered why light-skinned blacks have the reputation they have, and why darker skinned folk were looked down on, which made the ‘white is right and black is back’ syndrome bigger than life!

I consider myself beautiful beyond stereotypical notion and dared anyone to say otherwise. But as I ventured down south to college past the Mason Dixon line (shout out to My Terps!) I began to realize that the “You’re pretty for a dark skin girl…,” comment wasn’t a phenomenon but a norm in the south. What truly bothered me about this statement was not the fact that the individual who said it to me thought it was perfectly ok to say but rather the fact that he believed this statement was a great compliment and that I should Thank him!!??

I’ve done an impromptu survey and was able to gauge that most of the darker women and men preferred lighter skinned partners, and likewise lighter skinned people would only defer to anybody darker than they. Why is this? I asked one of my survee’s this question, and here is how she responded: “I never liked light men because they were too ‘pretty’. Most of them were conceited and full of themselves. That was always a turn off to me.” Could it be that she just invented that because she is the opposite skin color?

I honestly feel that color differentiation is a product of insecurity, a product of a slave mentality. Just as slave masters showed favor with our forebears based on the color of their skin, so have we also shown favor with color when it comes to each other.

We really need to get over the issues of lightness vs. darkness and love each other without conditions…we can’t change our skin color…(that bleach causes damage people!!!) but we definitely can change how we perceive each other as equals. We are all African/Black people no matter what hue, and we need to start to look at ourselves as a collective body ready to form coalitions as opposed to trying to find ways to divide ourselves. And I’ll choose to keep my chocolate completed self in NY! Lol

Sandra Appiah

Sandra Appiah is the Chief Operating Officer at Face2Face Africa. She graduated with honors (Summa Cum laude) from the Newhouse School of public communications (Syracuse University, NY) and spent a lot of time in the media industry working with companies such as the New York Times, HBO, and MTV. An avid believer in Africa with an interest in showcasing the glory of the continent, Ms. Appiah is also host of “The Sandra Appiah Show”, an inspirational talk show that chronicles the journeys of Africa’s movers & shakers. Sandra has been listed in Forbes 30 Under 30: Africa’s Best Young Entrepreneurs in 2013. With an incandescent passion matched only by her abundant ambition and prodigious talent, Ms. Appiah has been at the forefront of the mission for this generation of Africans to seize control of tools by which Africa's narrative is curated, crafted, and presented to the wider world.

View Comments

  • I believe this article did not address the real situation at hand. It was just another article discussing the light vs dark we should all love ourselves cliche. I am also confused with the way the writer said some slaves looked "more african", I am quite lost is there a definitive/generic way that africans look. when in real sense the african race are very different from each other regarding features, complexions etc. the african in the west to very much different to the african in the east.

  • I've made a french translation of this article which is about a complex and sometime complexed situation.

    Vous êtes assez mignonne pour une négresse.

    Alors que je parcourais mes magasines mensuels de mode, j'ai continué à voir des publicités qui ont dit «Aimez la peau dans laquelle vous êtes" "Black is beautiful» et la chanson "Brown Skin" bouillonnait dans ma tête.

    J' adore absolument mon teint chocolaté-cacao et je me sens encore plus obligés de le faire savoir depuis que j'ai le fils de 11 ans de ma soeur Maya levant les yeux sur moi... Mais je me souviens d'un temps maladroit dans ma vie autour de premier cycle du secondaire, j'étais dans autre chose que dans ma peau.

    Cela m'a amené à réfléchir à quelques questions... Aimez-vous vraiment votre peau? Êtes-vous heureux à ce sujet?
    A la fin de d'une de ses chansons, Curtis Mayfield a écrit "si vous aviez le choix de couleurs, laquelle choisiriez-vous d'avoir." Je me souviens des lignes d'écriture comme, "la cerise la plus noire, plus doux est le jus» et «Si t'es blanche ça me branche. Si vous êtes brune, restez dans dans l'coin, mais si vous êtes Noire, y pas d'espoir".

    Cette situation concernant la manière don't nous dragon l'autre, ou qui nous marions? La révolution "Black is Beautiful" at-elle changé nos perceptions sur la couleur de notre peau? C'est la couleur de la peau qui reste un problème dans l'Amérique noire d'aujourd'hui?

    Pour la pluspart, la couleur de peau ne peut plus être la même question qu'elle était au début du 20e siècle, mais ça reste encore un problème caché et dangereux qui est murmure doucement dans les clubs et les paramètres sociaux, chez Starbucks et Dunkin Donuts, à la communion catholique et aux repas funèbres. Et avec nombre d'entre nous qui ont encore ces notions décrites ci-dessus, c'est le secret de famille qui ne va pas disparaître, les murmures feutrés de chabine et chabine rouge, à marron brune, à marron fonçée et bleu-noire. Les codes spéciaux aux couleurs de la peau, des teintes et variations.

    J'ai toujours voulu poser des questions spécifiques à cette «chose de la peau» et obtenir le type de réponses qui seraient propices à la façon don't la perception peut bousiller la meilleure intention dans la façon don't les gens perçoivent de l'extérieur à la recherche. Nous arrivons dans toutes les nuances et teintes, mais nous acceptons-nous vraiment?

    Le Colorisme aux États-Unis est une pratique qui a commencé à l'époque de l'esclavage en raison de l'affirmation de propriétaires d'esclaves blancs que toute personne noire (africaine) ou associé à la noirceur était inférieur ou humbles. Les pratiques courantes de l'époque étaient de permettre aux esclaves avec le teint plus clair (plus communément la progéniture des maîtres d'esclaves et de leurs esclaves) à s'engager dans des tâches moins pénibles généralement domestiques, tandis que les plus sombres, les esclaves qui ressemblaient le plus aux africains ont participé à des travaux forcés, qui était plus que probablement que l'extérieur, exposés au soleil.

    Ca n'a jamais cessé de me étonner comme les gens semblent désigner la couleur de la peau avec certaines mentalités bonne et mauvaise. J'ai toujours demandé pourquoi les Noirs à la peau claire ont la réputation qu'ils ont, et pourquoi le folklore des peaux plus foncées a été méprisé, qui fait le syndrome du «blanche ça me branche et noir "pas d'espoir"!

    Je me considère belle au delà des idées stéréotypées et que quiconque ose dire le contraire.
    Mais quand je me suis aventurée dans le sud de l’Amérique au collège Mason Dixon (passez le bonjour à Miss Terps!)
    J'ai commencé à réaliser que le commentaire "vous êtes assez mignonne pour une fille de couleur...», n'était en rien râres dans le sud. En fait, c'est la norme là bas.
    Ce qui m'a vraiment dérangé sur ces déclarations n'était pas le fait que les personnes qui me l'ont dit pensaient que c'était tout à fait correct à dire, mais plutôt le fait qu'il s'attendaient à ce que je les remercie après un grand compliment!

    J'ai fait une enquête impromptue et j'ai pu mesurer que la plupart des femmes et des hommes de couleur privilégient des partenaires à peau plus claire et même les personnes à peaux plus claires ne sauraient porter leur choix sur des personnes à peau plus sombre que la leur.
    Pourquoi est-ce ainsi? J'ai demandé à l'une des personnes qui répondait à mon questionnaire.
    Voici comment elle a répondu: "Je n'ai jamais aimé les hommes clair parce qu'ils sont « jolis ». La plupart d'entre eux étaient prétentieux et plein d'eux-mêmes. Cela a toujours été un problème pour moi. " Je me suis interrogée sur les raisons de ce volte-face. Serait-ce parce que je suis moi-même très noire?

    Je pense honnêtement que la différenciation de couleur est un produit de l'insécurité, un produit d'une mentalité d'esclave. Tout comme maîtres d'esclaves ont montré la faveur de nos ancêtres en fonction de la couleur de leur peau, nous l'avons également montré favorable à la couleur lorsqu'il se agit de l'autre.

    Nous avons vraiment besoin pour obtenir sur les questions de légèreté par rapport à l'obscurité et nous aimer sans conditions... nous ne pouvons pas changer notre couleur de peau... (eau de Javel cause des dommages de personnes!) mais nous peut certainement changer la façon don't nous percevons l'autre comme égaux. Nous sommes tous des gens Africain / Noir, peu importe ce que la teinte, et nous devons commencer à nous regarder comme un corps collectif prêt à former des coalitions plutôt que d'essayer de trouver des moyens de nous diviser. Et je vais choisir de garder mon teint chocolat autosatisfait à New York! Lol

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