Categories: Lifestyle

Redressing Our African Beliefs: To Marry or Not To Marry?


Last week, one of my friends on Facebook posted a topic that ignited a battle between the sexes. The post was a parable of a young man who was asked about the girl he supposedly wants to marry. And while the young man said he loves her (enough to marry her), his grouse is that she doesn’t like to cook. To him, this flaw is the reason he’s having second thoughts about marriage. This seemingly harmless post garnered more than 200 comments, with most expressing their disappointment in a “marriageable” young girl having a “dislike” for cooking. In the end, her dislike was blamed on women wanting equal rights with men. Going through the comments on that post, I realized how much some aspects of our culture needs to be redressed.

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It is alarming to see the number of people — most of them men — reducing marriage to cooking.

Honestly, our psyche has been pervaded with patriarchal constructs. We have all been socialized from birth that marriage is the true goal of womanhood.

Girls have been brought up to believe their life has a singular purpose: to satisfy a man’s every whim.

Why does a woman live all her life trying to be everything to a man, while the man can decide to be everything he wants to himself? This is selfish!

I hope to get married someday, but truth be told, we are in dire need of de-emphasizing marriage. The unwholesome emphasis on marriage is the cause to a lot of problems — from marital rape to infidelity to whatever other problems one can think of.

It is alright to believe that marriage is ordained by God with all its attending tenets, and no one is contesting the significance of marriage in our traditional society, but the age-old narrative of marriage being the terminus of womanhood should be cast away.

The over-emphasis constricts womanhood to a very narrow lane and gives the girl child little-to-no room for expression and exploration of other life goals since they are coerced and coaxed to twist themselves beyond measure so they can get married. This results in many unhappy marital “situationships.”

My generation needs to be re-educated.

Young people should know that while marriage is good, it is perfectly OK if one doesn’t get married.

Marriage doesn’t guarantee happiness; therefore, one can still be single and happy.

Even in the Bible there is no mention of marriage for Jesus and his disciples (except with Peter whose in-laws were mentioned occasionally).

Marriage is serious business, and as such, one should have a choice to decide if they can HANDLE it or not.

SEE ALSO: Restoring Africa’s Greatness: Why It Matters to Buy Made-in-Ghana Products

Victhur Ihuka

I am Ihuka Victhur (Spiritual), an aspiring OAP and RockStar with extraordinarily big dreams and a passion for written and spoken words. I'm currently an Environmental Technology student in a Nigerian University of Technology.

View Comments

  • one day, a very long time ago, Before I was married I lived alone. My future wife called on the telephone and asked me what I was doing and I told her I was boiling a chicken. She said you cannot do that. I said it is a frozen chicken so I must cook it and seperate the pieces so I know what I am doing, I was having some trouble gettting the frozen pieces unstuck in the water. I told her I know what I am talking about. She said I did not know what I was doing. But, then she must of felt sorry for me back then because she married me later. But, after she married me it seems she spends most of her life worried about why I married her. I married her because I loved her not because I did not know how to cook a chicken properly. :)

  • Respectfully disagree. The power of life and death is in our spirit and tongue. However, the quickest way to the grave is by what we choose to put in our mouths. It's not about cooking to satisfy the whims of a man. It is understanding that as the incubator of life, a woman also has the ability to give life or slowly destroy the entire lives of the members of the family by what is placed on a dinner table. Any woman from any culture who appreciates the importance of health as wealth and the importance of cooking in nurishment, nutrition, and health is a praise-worthy woman. This doesn't mean that's all she's good for. It's about the consciousness to understand the value of cooked healthy food. I believe we should elevate the place of cooking in today's society and not fall for whatever Western culture tells us women should do or be - trust me - most American women are not happy!

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