The dictionary defines marriage as the “legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship”. In the past, you can add between a man and a woman.
Today, society has reframed, reshaped, and restructured that definition to include self-serving initiatives and you dare not add between a man and a woman.
The Bible, however, makes it clear that marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman with God at the center. For our sake, we will go with the latter definition.
Marriage ultimately forms the very foundation of society, bringing children into the world who go out and contribute to society. When a marriage is stable, the children thrive, progress is made by the couple and success is inevitable.
There are many factors that impact the success of marriages, namely modern-day expectations, personal issues/ demands, and finances on top of the list. A survey by Knot.com shows that the cost of an average wedding has increased to approximately $40,000.
We have all been to weddings where we spent more time observing the over-the-top décors, bridal gowns, tuxedos, and venue than paying attention to the vows being read.
Modern day weddings are so glamourized, you can clearly witness disconnect between the couple’s reality of the marriage and the one-day overly expensive event.
Compared to the 70s, marriage today may seem less appealing, less stable and less satisfying. So why do we get married and spend more money in one day than some can make over the course of a year?
Marriage is moving more and more into a social contract. Here are some reasons people get married, and how that impacts the overall success of the marriage.
1. Loneliness: We all go through life with issues that sometimes remain unresolved or unaddressed. Low self-esteem and abandonment issues cause people to yearn for love and attention. If you find yourself wanting to be with someone just to avoid to spend your life alone, you may be battling issues of loneliness. Your spouse is not a therapist.
2. Age: Women are said to have a biological clock that counts down to a certain age where the woman yearns to be married or else friends and family keep reminding you that the clock is ticking. You dread family reunions because everyone wants an update on how far you are in that process. So you get pressured to settle for anything.
3. Love: There are genuinely people who get married because they are in love. Love alone does not sustain a marriage. You need compassion, respect, sacrifice, and dedication to that individual. You can’t tell anyone “in love” about any other traits because they are supposedly “blind” and high from that potion, so their logic can even be blurred.
4. Because of others: There is a tendency for women to just get married because their friends are all entering marital nests. It is an unspoken competition that tends to exist with women in particular. Beware because you may be committing yourself to something you don’t even want to feel like you also got a ring.
5. Financial stability: Some consider marriage a financial plan and do all they can to secure a relationship with a man or woman who can take care of them. Unfortunately, marriage requires more than just money. So much so that when you spend all this money to get married and to show off, you eventually get the wakeup call that that money was ultimately wasted. You could have invested in something more futuristic like a house, a car, or for your children.
I continuously meet women who tell me that they knew they shouldn’t have entered that marriage but due to some of these reasons above, they found themselves diving in without thinking of the consequences.
Ladies, marriage will not and does not complete you if you came broken. Your marriage should be unique to you with someone you love, but also share similar values. When life gets tough, the love tends to run out, but the values, the compassion and the care step in the gap to sustain you. This is how your love grows fonder.
Good looks and romance alone cannot sustain your marriage. Be conscious of your reasons for getting married, and once married, work at it without all the distractions of others.