The Break Up: A Guide to Moving On

Harriet Bensaah May 24, 2011 at 12:00am

May 24, 2011 at 12:00 am | Lifestyle

Avatar

Harriet Bensaah

May 24, 2011 at 12:00 am | Lifestyle

Growing up, why didn’t anyone give me a rulebook on relationships; the good, the bad, and the ugly?

Granted, life is a learning process: Every situation we go through in life is clearly a foundation, which will get us to where we are going. The question is—Is your foundation strong enough to keep your building standing? Will you allow it to perish when one brick falls, or will you pick it up, place it in a different position, and make it work to get to where you want to be?

Being in a relationship is a beautiful thing, but what happens when things aren’t great any longer, and both partners decide to no longer move forward? Perhaps the natural chemistry is diminished, there are infidelities that cannot be tolerated, or both partners are just at a point where they realize that they can no longer be in a relationship, and would like to be single again. Whether you are the individual handing out the breaking up, or “the victim,” breaking up is tough.

Who would have ever thought that being in the presence of someone you enjoyed, loved, and shared so much with could change in the blink of an eye? When you hear these harsh words:

“It’s over!” “I can’t do this any longer”; “I love you, but I am no longer in love with you…” (the classic) “It’s not you, it’s me” (and then there’s everyone’s favorite) “There’s someone else…” These words consume your mind, body, and soul, and turn you into someone you never realized you could be.

There have been times I’ve gone through a break up, and thought it was the end of the world, but I had to realize no one defines who I am, or what I am capable of doing. Ladies and Gents, please realize a break-up is not the end of anything. Everyone has dealt with it at some point or another — Well unless you are one of those people who decided from a young age that you were going to be a nun or a priest…

But for all others who knew that path wasn’t for them, here are some key things to remember when coping with a break-up:

Don’t Fight Your Feelings – You are human and you are entitled to feeling down sometimes. It’s okay to cry or be angry (just don’t do anything that will cause harm to anyone or yourself!). And It’s only natural to exert your feeling of pain and disappointment in one of these manners. Let it out! It’s personal therapy.

Talk – Holding your feelings in will only make you sick mentally and physically. Find someone you can trust, who will not judge you and is willing to listen. At this point you need a support system. You don’t need anyone telling you “I told you so,” or “You should’ve done X, Y, or Z.” You need someone who will understand, and can realistically pull you through things.

Do Not Blame Yourself – Everything happens for a reason. You may not want to believe it, but it’s the truth! Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean you are a “hopeless romantic.” It just means that the person wasn’t the one for you. Whatever the reason for the break-up, it was meant to happen: that’s why it did. There is someone out there for you. You just haven’t come in contact with that special someone yet.

Move On – Although I say move on, I don’t mean, you break up with a person today and next week you have a new partner. Don’t t rush it! Take it slow: give yourself time to heal. Give yourself time to realize that you are a great person and someone else will appreciate you for who you are.  No one is perfect, but two imperfect individuals can come together to make a perfect situation. Don’t put a comma in your life where a period has already been placed – MOVE ON! There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Take Chances – Life is all about taking chances. You will never know what you will get unless you take the chance. People who often deal with a break-up often turn cold to any new prospects. Although it is safe to keep your guard up, continue to be you, and with time, let your guard down. Do not allow the past to paralyze who you really are. It isn’t fair to you or your future prospects. You could possibly be blocking your blessings.

Focus On You – If you are not happy, you cannot make anyone else happy.  Find out who you really are, what you want, what you will not tolerate, and claim it. 

Spend Time with Positive People – Positive people bring meaning to your life. They are the ones that help you define who you are. They do not define who you are by telling you, but their presence opens up the bigger picture for you. Cut out the cancer, all the negatives, in your life, because they will only tarnish you.

Leave the Baggage in the Past – Many of us have dealt with drama in our past relationships, which we often harbor on, and let it taint any new relationship. Leave it in the past. The present and the future will hold so much more for you if you leave the negative in the past. Don’t get me wrong, the past is a learning experience, but it should not dictate your next relationship.

At the end of it all, we are all humans, and these tips aren’t simple to go by, but with self-determination, motivation, and self-love, you can make it happen.

Don’t let a break-up deteriorate you, but allow it to make you the strongest person you can be. There isn’t anything in this world we cannot handle. If we couldn’t handle it, we wouldn’t be faced with it. Love life, but most importantly, put yourself first and love yourself!

Photo Source: Google Images

Most viewed

Conversations

Must Read