by Duduzile Nhlabathi, at 02:00 pm, August 02, 2016, Relationship

Can You Really Cheat-Proof Your Relationship?

There are thousands of articles on the internet about how women can mold themselves into perfect specimens in order to keep their partner’s interest, so that these men won’t go wandering off into the wilderness of adultery. Some women go as far as attending seminars about this matter, spending hundreds of dollars in order to keep their man from straying.

The other day we had friends over, and the topic of the possibility of your partner being enticed by the ever-so-seductive side chick came up. Something I found rather profound was said by a male friend and it went something like:

“It’s interesting that men don’t walk around pondering what controls they can put in place in order to prevent their woman from cheating. Instead, we are always trying to think up of ways to piss her off the least, since we are always in trouble.”

This got me thinking: why can’t we women adopt the same attitude towards our partners? It appears that men don’t live in a constant state of fear, the fear of heartbreak. Is this because women are less prone to cheat, or have men long ago discovered that you can never cheat-proof a relationship? I mean, if someone wants to go astray, they will, regardless of how good you are to them. Do men understand that cheating ultimately is a decision that has very little, if anything at all, to do with your partner?

Is it that men are quite clear about how being cheated on will make them feel, and are prepared to take a decision with regards to the outcome of the relationship should this happen? Does that make it safe to assume that men see themselves as solely responsible for their happiness as compared with women?

Do we women constantly worry about being cheated on because we fear that should this happen, we might be expected take a decision that we are not prepared to take?

Are women too focused on cheating compared to men? Miss TN King blog

Are women too focused on cheating compared to men? Miss TN King blog

Is this the reason that women are quick to confront the side chick instead of the man when cheated on? Is this the reason why women are easily intimidated by other attractive women? Is it because we think if we should get cheated on, we would be helpless and have no control of the outcome of the relationship?

Should we be concerned about cheat-proofing our relationships to begin with? What does this sort of thinking suggest about us? Does this mean women are beggars and not choosers when it comes to our romantic relationships? What message are we then sending to men? Are we saying that our fate and happiness is solely depended on their decisions and actions? Is our self-esteem tied to our ability to keep a man?

I don’t have all the answers to the questions posed above, but if there is one thing that I know, it is that no one can steal a man that does not want to be stolen. Plus, life is too short to be walking around wondering if you will ever be enough for your man. You don’t see men defining themselves based on their ability to keep women, so why should you? They say love those who love you, and if there is evidence through someone’s  actions that they don’t value or love you like you expect them to, then you always have a choice to leave.

People who obsess about cheat-proofing their relationships are people who ultimately don’t want to be in a placed in a position whereby they have to show the world to what degree they love themselves should their partner treat them badly.

I believe that is a sad state of existence.

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