When Your Old Flame Resurfaces

Emmanuella Anyanwu October 26, 2011

So you finally got over the late night cries and unprovoked moodiness due to your heated break-up. At first you thought you weren’t going to meet any other eligible single after spending a good part of your life with your ex.

It almost felt like everything reminded you of him/her. You could no longer eat pizza because it  reminded you of pizza night with your ex. Going to the movies wasn’t any better solace because even the security man knows your name and that of your ex. As if the self-pity aroused by the over zealous public display of affection by new lovers wasn’t enough, your friend, or about to become ex-friend, always found ways to channel conversations back to your ex. “So he still hasn’t called?”, “Guess who I saw today? Your ex and she/he wasn’t looking bad at all”, are all the rants that almost made you break down in tears or break something.

Days and weeks went by but your early morning wet eyes refused to go with them. Thoughts that came to mind right after waking in the morning were thoughts of how to go back to sleep with your whole body encapsulated under your blanket, your door chained and padlocked and a “Do Not Disturb” sign hanging on the exterior of your door. Luckily you gradually began to realize that even though you are no longer with your ex, the sky is still blue, clocks are still ticking and everything else is business as usual.

Like a child learning how to walk for the first time, you slowly learned to eat pizza without breaking down or see an old picture of your ex without feeling depressed. You also started accepting invitations to social gatherings. Things were looking so good that you even met another charming eligible single and the last thing on your mind was your ex. Life reverted to being so colorful and mornings brought smiles instead of tears.

The fairy tale continued until your ex decided to call you “just to know how you were doing”. The conversation seemed harmless as it was supposedly not more than a friendly call. Two days later, your ex called again. “I’m at the store trying to decide on a shirt to buy and you always know the right pick so I decided to call you”.

“Listen, I don’t really have much planned for tonight and since I’m not too far from you, maybe we can meet up for dinner,” said your ex. Because you are so polite and hesitant to give the slightest impression of rudeness, you accept the offer and meet up for dinner. Before you knew what was happening and after many more phone calls and “accidental” dinners, you found yourself in an unpleasant dilemma. You started falling back in love, or so you thought, but something inside of you kept reprimanding you.

In order to navigate through this situation and achieve the best results, you would have to employ careful self reflection, situation analysis and a reality check! Please share your thoughts on what you would do and how you would go about making the decision. Below are what some people had to say.

 People should be with whoever fits their core values. There is a reason the former relationship did not work. Bottom-line is to let the past be the past and move on. Going back and forth or getting back together is often a waste of time –  if not short-lived. The question anyone in this situation should ask is 'what has really changed about the old boy/girlfriend?'.   People should be honest in answering this question. If nothing has changed, then definitely move on. Fortunately or unfortunately, most times nothing has really changed. Think carefully before breaking up.
                                                                                                                                                                              – Uju

The decision to get back together depends on whether or not you still love the person (ex) and if the reasons why you broke up are now resolved. If the issues are resolved, then its worth thinking about. The things to ponder before getting back together are:

  •  How serious were the reasons for breaking up?
  • Is your ex really the man of your dreams? You probably shouldn't have broke up initially if that is the case.
  • Why does your e x want to get back together to the point where he/she felt that the reconnection was worth initiating.

– Sheraine

Things did not work out with the ex for a reason. I’m not saying that people who break up can't get back together but if I were in that situation, I would have to remind myself of the reason we broke up in the first place. I wouldn’t want to get back with him and have the same things repeat.  I don't think there is a formula to all these things really.

– Uk

                       

 

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