Karren Lovejoy has bared her heart to the world about a condition that unknowingly affects several women—vaginismus. It all became clear once she saw an episode of Sex Education.
She explained that she first noticed that something didn’t seem right when she tried to use a tampon as a teenager. She told People, “It didn’t feel like there was any way a tampon could go in there. It just felt like it was blocked, like there was a wall.”
Years later, when she tried penetrative intercourse for the first time, that same wall—both mental and physical—resurfaced. Those early experiences had a heavy emotional toll.
RELATED STORIES
She recounted, “It was confusing and frustrating, because I felt like something so easy and simple for everyone was not easy and simple for me. I just had this lingering feeling like something was wrong with me, like I was broken in a way that no one else seemed to be.”
READ ALSO: Widowed mom of 3 who got a new home on a TV show thanks to her late husband speaks out
Lovejoy understood it wasn’t something that would go away on its own after a second traumatic try at intercourse. Around that time, she saw a character in the Sex Education television program who had vaginismus, and for the first time, she had a term for what she was going through.
It was refreshing to hear an explanation for what had tormented her for so long. “It was the first time I felt like I wasn’t imagining it,” Lovejoy said.
“I was like, okay, I think I have a name for this thing, and I’m just gonna go to my gyno and see what’s going on,” she recalled. “I told her, ‘I don’t think I have a hole,’ and she looked and said, ‘Well, you do. It’s just very small. You need to see a physical therapist because you have vaginismus.’ ”
Lovejoy was already attempting to understand her body before that appointment. On Reddit, she discovered individuals discussing vaginismus and came to the conclusion that people were aware of the condition. However, no one in her immediate circle, including her mother and friends, had heard of it.
Soon after, Lovejoy started her path into pelvic floor therapy.
“I remember the first few sessions weren’t even physical; they were more like talking therapy, which took me by surprise,” she recalled.
Her therapist emphasized thought and body connection over anything else. They worked on breathing exercises, stretches, and activities, which made her acknowledge she had never felt like her body was her own.
“I think I had been on autopilot for most of my life, and this was the first time I started to see that I could be one with my body,” she said.
But as things started to get better, her progress was put on hold by the COVID-19 epidemic. “When we had to switch to telehealth, it felt like starting from square one,” she explained.
Lovejoy tried to remain dedicated while alone in her room, but worry crept back in, knowing full well that if she was left to her own devices, she would ignore her body once more.
She wanted to try penetration, but it was still a scary thought. After reading some inspiring stories on Reddit, she finally purchased a pair of vaginal dilators.
“I had them for a year and didn’t touch them,” she admitted. “The idea of putting something up there just didn’t sit right with me.”
However, after meeting her future husband, she resolved to take action to resolve the situation. When she told him about it, he was ready to help.
When Lovejoy was still in college, they worked together to set up “dilator meetings.” She recalled, “He’d be on the phone with me, playing calming Japanese onsen music. I would cry beforehand, but knowing he was there helped.”
The first dilator proved to be a game changer. According to Lovejoy, it was as a result of the support she got.
“He didn’t see it as something strange or shameful,” she said. “He prioritized my needs over his, and that kind of patience is so rare. When your partner is gentle and understanding, it makes you feel safe enough to open up.”
READ ALSO: Kwanzaa: A Look At TV Shows And Movies That Embody The Seven Principles
She endured the agonizing process for months before being able to use a tampon. But the recovery was not complete.
“Then I got married, and on the wedding night, I screamed bloody murder. The pain was still there, but I wasn’t alone,” she remarked.
It took time to rewire Lovejoy’s body to stop associating sex with pain. “I didn’t look forward to it, because I just had a feeling like it was gonna hurt,” she said.
But she was able to gradually overcome her fear thanks to the safety that her husband had established. “That gentleness, that understanding—it helped bring down the walls,” she said. “It just kept getting better and better.”
Sex now has a new emotional and physical feel. “It feels empowering,” she described. “I finally feel like I can experience intimacy the way people talk about it.”
It was difficult to decide to share her experience online. Though she had discussed it on YouTube, TikTok was unique in terms of how quickly messages spread on the platform. She waited weeks to post the video, unsure how it would be accepted.
“So, I was a virgin until I got married,” she shared in her now-viral TikTok video. “And I’m probably thinking, ‘Oh, you did this very noble thing of saving yourself for marriage.’ No, not really. I just simply couldn’t.”
Her unfiltered TikTok confession about vaginismus broke the silence surrounding the condition that many women struggle with privately.
“I kept feeling a nudge to just do it, and I’m so glad I did,” she remarked.
She received comments from other women who had been facing the condition in isolation. She now wants to address prevalent misconceptions regarding vaginismus with her story. “People think it means your vagina is just really tiny. That’s not true,” she stated. “It’s often more mental than physical.”
READ ALSO: Texas teen with rare heart condition celebrates 15th birthday after 18-hour surgery
