Tiger Woods, Arnold Schwarzenegger and (insert name of African star who cheated) — Does the success of these men automatically make them prone to be dirty rotten cheaters?
When it comes to men, women and monogamy there seems to be two schools of thought. One subscribes to the notion that falling in love and being part of an exclusive twosome is just as much a male desire as a female one. The other claims that men and women are different: Women want to find their one dream guy, yet that guy is continually suppressing the urge to sow those wild oats… Add to that the privilege of power and fame and it’s inevitable that he will cheat?
From what we have seen lately in media, entertainment and politics, it seems that the more famous the men are, the more likely they are to want more than one woman.
So should encourage men be encouraged to fight their supposed urge toward infidelity, or should we instead accommodate (and accept) their uncontrollable want for wandering? But, is this only a ‘man issue’? Most men I know would say that monogamy is less of a gender issue and more of a case-by-case basis. I’m still undecided on that argument, however, for today, I will discuss the issue of Men. And why in the world some chose to cheat.
In my opinion, men cheat for three reasons:
- Because They Can – And some women are simply available and willing. Men who cheat capitalize on this fact.
- They Get Insecure – This is the guy’s issue not the woman’s. He doesn’t feel he is enough and chooses to be disloyal to get validation from another woman.
- They Become Bored – Some men need more excitement at home. This apparently happens to be the most popular reason. It happens simply because the man isn’t getting enough. The urge to have more sex is generated in the same part of the brain as the urge to have another slice of chocolate cake. And who doesn’t want another slice of chocolate cake?
Although I believe these reasons are pretty accurate, I had to ask and a male doctor-friend for his perspective. So I asked him: “Why then would a man get married if his inclination isn't toward monogamy?” The very politically correct answer I received from my male counterpart was that
“Men are still biologically driven to provide for their females and ensure their offspring legal and security benefits. The introduction of sexual exclusivity to marriage was originally intended are safe. Marriage provides [them with] the optimum social, to ensure inheritances stay within families — given that the modern will and testament is more than adequate for this task, monogamy is no longer relevant.”
So in other words, he strays because he knows his family will be taken care of in his will? So why not sleep with a few mistresses? If this is to be believed, are there any men out there that can be monogamous? Once again, the scientific answer that came from my friend was:
“100 percent of men cannot be mentally monogamous, in that they are biologically programmed to assess the sexual attractiveness of every single woman they see. A normal man could also achieve monogamy with a highly-sexed woman, as could a man with a low libido and a normal woman. However, a normal man and a normal woman who have decided on lifetime sexual exclusivity [could] face chances of divorce and a very high chance of cheating.”
I had to ask then for a solution to how women can prevent men from cheating and through his answers, I came up with a few suggestions:
Never cross your legs for an extended period without arranging some sort of alternative. Don’t tell you man you won’t sleep with him and not expect him to have sex. Never use sex as a bargaining tool. Keep him satisfied and he will keep it at home.
Use his nature to work for you, rather than against you. That means negotiating some infidelity if you are not “in the mood.” It does not have to be other lovers: It could be pornography, or a lap dance [at a strip club]. The important thing to remember is that sex is your man's strongest, most basic instinct, so working with it puts you in a position of immense power in the relationship. It is far better to walk the dog on a leash than let it escape through an unseen hole in the back fence.
Don't let yourself go. There is nothing less valued than a commodity that no one else wants. Always remind him about how valuable you are, how popular you are, and drop subtle hints that other men still find you desirable. This will take advantage of his biological need to compete.
Finally, If he chooses to cheat anyway, don’t blame yourself. He may not be worth it. Go find someone else who will appreciate you for the beautiful person you are!
