By: Millie Monyo
We all agree that a person with potential is….
“Someone who consistently exhibits behavior that indicates that their aspirations will eventually come into fruition”
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When I began to ask people (both male and female) for the best way to spot a man with potential, I kept hearing the same clichéd response, “Look at how he treats his mother”. The logic being if he treats his mother well, he has integrity and this attitude will extend to other females. I don’t dispute the benefits of observing a man’s treatment toward his mother; however, I think people have a tendency to overstate its significance. There’s a major logical leap in the “watch how he treats his mom” theory… You are not his Mom!! And considering his mother gave him a little thing called life, it would be borderline arrogant to ever expect similar treatment.
Just because he’s good to his mother, doesn’t mean he’ll be good to you (inversely just because he’s bad to his mother, doesn’t mean he’ll be bad to you)…
A true Momma’s boy is never fully yours until his Mom relinquishes control and gives her sincere blessing. Otherwise –and it might be horrible to say this – you’ll have to wait until she’s dead and gone. Yes I said it!
Here are 5 of my personal favorite ways to spot a good man:
1) Does he have a good work ethic? People with big dreams (and big mouths) are commonplace. However, a person with a dream who’s actively and consistently working towards it, is rare. If someone has ambition, a vision, and an actionable plan, they are a keeper!
2) What are his closest friends like Our closest friends are usually: #1) A reflection of who we are #2) An indication of what he will be If his friendship group has a high number of cheaters, liars, and leeches… Who is he really?
3) What doesn’t he say? Sometimes it’s often better to pay attention to what people don’t say. Talk is cheap and often used deceptively; Pay closer attention to actions.
4) Does he remember the things that matter? Don’t get me wrong.. If he forgets the anniversary of the day you first held hands, don’t plan your exit strategy! Men mustn’t be judged if they don’t recollect every detail perfectly. However a man with potential will always remembers the big things that really matter. For instance he’ll text you good luck before a big interview and call you afterwards to see how it went. Or he’ll send you flowers on the anniversary of the passing of a loved one.
5) Does he pay the bill? I know. I know. It’s 2011 and we have modern views etc. but let’s not let ideology cloud your reality. If he doesn’t pay for the bill. Never see him again. If he’s fallen on hard times, he should demonstrate the pride to stay in his house and sort himself out until he can afford to date you. Keep your wallet in your handbag, where it belongs’.
It may seem like a superficial way of ascertaining someone’s character, especially in this modern era. More importantly, a man may pay for the date simply because he has the financial means to, not because he’s a decent person. However, my conviction is rooted in the belief that a real man has no objection to shouldering burdens. And a financial burden is the minimum requirement. If a man is unwilling (rather than unable) to take on that burden, you’re better off spending your time elsewhere.
Yes it’s regressive, it’s hypocritical and it reinforces traditional gender roles. However I’ve yet to meet a gentleman that objects to or rebels against the expectation that he should pay on a date. I would tread carefully with those that do…
