I once met a boy. A nice Christian boy, who by the time I was done with him he called me “a shameless man eater.” I did not take the accusation to heart at the time. I was a care-free 28-years-old and I was not about to be a preacher’s wife. I went on to be called all sorts of names after our relationship ended. One guy who I happened to “ghost” on after he took me out on a boring date called me “EVIL.”
I still remember that day as if it was yesterday. It was a pleasant summer morning and the weather was perfect. The light breeze that slipped through my half open window blew lightly over my face; my weave was flickering over my eyes and I was reminiscing about the perfect girl’s night out that I was still recovering from.
I am generally not a morning person and so when one calls or texts at 6 a.m., it better be good news that could not wait. My phone rang and as I lifted my heavy head to look at the flickering screen, all I could see in big capital letters was, “ONLY WHEN BORED.”
It wasn’t long after I graduated from my dating coach training that I learned to master the skills of a “Pick Up Artist” (Yes, female PUA’s exist). Therefore, I had an abundance of practice targets to choose from and I’d saved them in my phone according to their desirability. So this guy, whose name I still can’t remember, was only to be entertained when I was bored.
Anyway back to my story.
I looked at my phone and went right back to dreaming about Mr. Right. It appears that ignoring a prospective lover’s call at 6 a.m. in the morning does not send a strong enough message that maybe the person can’t or does not want to talk to you. Calling them three or more times just to make sure, is simply not socially responsible.
Eventually this guy gave up and sent me a text reading, “You are evil [and] God will punish you for your sins.” I thought to myself, “when did I become a sinner?” I sat up and looked at the text again and a great deal of sadness came over me.
What did I do to make this random stranger fall mad over heels in love with me just after one date? I mean, I know I am hot and all, but could I be a sinner? Was I really a shameless man-eater? And how many hearts had I broken?
I sat up and did some serious reflection and within a minute, it dawned on me that maybe all these boys who hate me might be on to something. I mean, don’t get me wrong; I am not proud of the fact that some boy who thought he had serious game, ended up stalking me and eventually leaving South Africa for good after telling me he hoped never to bump into me again. Or the dude, who, after declaring his love for me, had to be sat down and told that he was only a practice target and the feeling was never mutual. Or the time this one dude who thought he was the best thing since sliced bread was ignored during the entire Christmas party. Or the time I “ghosted” that one guy who made me meet his mom on our second date.
It’s not that all the above were done with ill intention. From my point of view, I was being responsible. I thought I was saving them from the inevitable: heartbreak. I could have strung them along long after I was done with them, but instead, I released them into the world so they too could find someone who will love them back.
It’s not my fault men fall in love with me, I mean I am a dating coach after all; what were they expecting?
So I guess it also applies to the opposite sex as well. Sometimes people go down a path they were never lead, and if you don’t tag along they deem you responsible for their own lack of judgment.
Personally, I live by this simple principle: If I never said I loved you, what gave you the impression that I did?
And if you chose to love me without checking where my head and heart was at, then you can love me at your own risk. I know a couple of people who have suffered the same misfortunes that I’ve had to go through. I know deep down they are good people who just happen to attract people who love too much. If we are heart breakers, it is not our intention to do so.
But then again, people love that which they can’t have .