Ducci Lou Carter had no idea the emotional roller coaster that would ensue when she and her husband gathered close family for a private gender reveal. As soon as they sliced into the cake and discovered the blue filling, which meant that the baby was a boy, Carter’s joy turned to sorrow.
She wasn’t prepared for the emotional response that was caught on camera. Months later, she uploaded the video to TikTok. It went viral very fast, receiving 10.8 million views and igniting a much-needed discussion.
“My mom was convinced I was going to have a girl, and the people around me made me think it would be a girl. I got lost in fantasizing about life with a baby girl,” Carter later told People. “When we got into the cake, it hit me, I’m having a son. I had to grieve all of the fantasizing that I did about having a daughter. I cried because I don’t get to do the little, cutesy girl things with her.”
Carter’s unfiltered response was the result of the dreams that she had accumulated during her pregnancy. She started to envision her future in the context of her loved ones’ desire for her to have a daughter. However, the surge of anguish she experienced was unexpected when reality took a different turn.
Fortunately, her husband was by her side in that vulnerable moment. “He understood my feelings, walked me away from the situation, and talked to me. He said, ‘Don’t feel guilty about what your experience is. It’s fine, it’s normal. I highly doubt that you will not get over it. Just give yourself some time, give yourself a couple of days, and you will start getting excited about a boy.’ He made me feel seen and made me feel understood,” Carter recalled.
She explained that she had hoped for a daughter since she knew her husband would be the ideal girl dad.
She explained, “I just think about the way he is with me. He knew that I was feeling a lot of nerves and I was on edge, and I have expressed to him before that I was hoping for a girl. At that moment, I didn’t realize how controversial my reaction was because of how my husband made me feel.”
Carter felt she needed to post her story on social media, even with her mixed emotions.
“I always see videos of the dads throwing a fit or running away. I feel like men are expressive about their gender preference, and women are not allowed as much. We always have to answer, ‘Oh, it doesn’t matter.’ [Women] might have preferences,” she said. “Women are more ashamed of admitting to how they feel because they’re afraid of being shamed for being a bad mom or not deserving to have a child.”
Many people were moved by her video’s honesty. Carter has since gotten numerous comments from other women admiring her for supporting what they are feeling.
She said, “I’ve had a lot of women message me personally and tell me my emotions in the video were normal, and they’ve experienced it, and they have filmed gender [reveal] videos themselves that they don’t post because of reactions like that or because they felt ashamed.”
Meanwhile, Carter is overjoyed to be welcoming her baby son after reflecting on her emotions and reframing her perspective.
She remarked, “I’m so excited now. All that I want is for my baby to be healthy and happy. I let go of all of the thoughts, ideas and fantasizing I did, wanting to be a girl mom, and now I can’t imagine carrying a girl because my reality is I’m having a boy. There’s a lot of excitement that comes with [it] and an acceptance that settles in, and it is what it is.”
For moms in similar situations, Carter advised, “It’s very important to let yourself feel. I would advise moms to give themselves time to grieve that life they fantasized about with the gender they wanted, move on from it and find things to get excited about. It will pass, and it does pass. If it doesn’t pass and is hard to accept, I would recommend speaking to a professional.”
She added, “It is a temporary feeling. In the end, regardless of your initial emotions, it is the same excitement, the same feeling.”
