There you stand a beautiful replica of what I see in the mirror
Coming to hug me
Praising me
Acting as if things has always been this way
Pretending as if me seeing you makes everything…okay
Oh…all a dream that is a painful dream
Calling me your daughter
Calling yourself my mother
Oh! The nerve!
The nerve when you know what you did to me
You thought I forgot?
Well today this mouth of mine will testify
A testimony for the test that you my mother have failed
Left me on the doorsteps of a stranger
Snatched from a cradle left in a blanket
On some strangers cold front steps
Before my umbilical cord was completely detached from you
But I was detached from your lacking sentiments
Allowing you to leave that screaming baby without a backward glance
You turned your back on me momma
And you committed a grave sin
That not even the blood of Jesus himself could wash away
A sin against me momma
An unfortunately unforgiving soul
You turned your back on me
And allowed that monster to visit my room at night
From the age of four my life began that perilous flight
His name
Oh his name didn’t matter
His game
His game is all that mattered
A game he said I didn’t need to know how to play
Just so long as I close my eyes and not utter a sound
While his hands moved closer and his pants hit the ground
Oh momma you let that monster steal from me
What a precious thing he did take
And you wasn’t there to protect me you worthless snake
You let that monster murder meeee!!!!
A chastity he did kill
Just stabbing stabbing at it…
Until I just laid still.
Still I lay
Until I stood in your shoes
A 16 year old
With a belly swole-
Len with child I didn’t want to keep
So the back-alley drunkard was the best solution and cheap
That day I wished you saw me walking down the street
With my hands between my thighs trying to hide
The shame that was dripping down these irresistible thighs
That day I wished you were there to see me curse my reflection
Pretending I was cursing you
Oh my reflection
That beautiful replica of you
But I know you’re somewhere
Turning in that grave that you are yet to lie in
You will hear every word of this my sweet testimony
You will hear me momma!
I will have you regret the day I was born like I have every time I take another breath
You see me momma?!
Did I make you cry like you made me for the past 17 years of my life?!?!
You feel me momma?!
Do you understand the words that beg for attention?
The words that beg for a pathway to portray emotions that run so deep
That even a blind man’s dog can’t sniff it out
I didn’t think so.
If the tossing and turning
Of the life that was in you
If the unconditional love that I showered onto you
If the cries that I bellowed from the top of my little lungs
Did not stop you from turning your back on me
Then I know you don’t understand…
Yet you do judge me though momma
Judging me because you wallow in a pool of denial
Like the pig you are for allowing me to go through what I didn’t have to go through
Judging me because I am you
A beautiful replica of what you see in the mirror
Judging me as a way to judge yourself.
By Adeyinka Adiatu All rights Reserved ©
