Written by: Harriet Bensaah (a.k.a Lady Godiva)
photo by: by honikum via visualinsights.blogspot.com
“When are you getting married?”…”At your age, I was married and on my second child”…”What’s wrong with you?”…”Do you want me to hook you up with (fill in the blank)’s son/daughter?”…”You’re not getting any younger, what are you waiting for?” …DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR?!? If so, you fall into the “You’re Expired” category.
Coming from a culture where marriage is a big deal, it seems our grandparents and SOME parents can’t see that this generation is a lot different from when they were growing up. We have so much to learn, so why can’t marriage wait? Why the pressure? At this present day in age, the average age for marriage is 27 for men, and 25 for women. During our parents time, marriage was in the works anywhere from 18-21 (I don’t know what they were thinking, but I was still enjoying my youth!)
So what is MY definition of being expired? You are basically an individual over the age of 27 that isn’t married, but in the eyes of your elders you should have already been married by FORCE! You fall into a state where it becomes harder for you to get married because of your age and what you are looking for. As you get older, the pool from which you can choose from lessens because you may have standards that some of your potentials do not meet, and I can’t blame you! Why settle for what you do not want? Just continue to look and hope that you find that right match. But why can’t our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and the list goes on – understand that it is not that simple? WE HAVE OUR OWN AGENDA!
So what’s on your agenda…
Success is your main priority – Back in the days, the men were the bread winner, and the female stayed home with the kids. Times have changed, although some do still believe a woman’s place is at home, and some women would rather be a stay at home mom, more and more women are focusing on their careers…so if you have a woman working long hours, and a man working long hours, when is there time for a relationship? Their career IS their relationship!. A relationship is not their IMMEDIATE focus, but climbing that corporate ladder is. Sad thing about this is, it looks good on paper, but will you truly be happy?!
Commitment Fear (or is it really fear?) – Although it usually pertains to men, there are some women that are also just as scared of commitment. These individuals that fall in this category are scared of having to answer to anyone, or feel they would lose their sense of freedom once they commit. Another factor that plays heavily under this category is, SOME individuals like the variety that comes with not being in a committed relationship. They can date who they please; when they please; and although YOU MIGHT BE MAD, you can’t be…HE/SHE IS NOT COMMITTED TO YOU!!!! (move on)!!!
You’re A Scorned Individual – You’ve tried the commitment route over and over again, and in the long run you’ve been hurt. He/She cheated on you; mentally or physically abused you; stole from you; made you believe you were the ONE but you were really the OTHER ONE; or continuously lied about any and everything. You have a hard time trying to forget what you dealt with, and seem to bring that baggage into a new relationship causing constant drama – STOP! Take time to focus on who you are, what you want, what you will tolerate and evaluate the choices you are making as far as a partner. Love yourself, and then you can love someone else.
I’m Just Not Ready – You are at a point in your life where your focus is just enjoying everything life has to offer. This is much needed in everyone’s life at one point or another – LIVE IT UP (but not for too long)
I Haven’t Met Mr. or Mrs. Right – You claim you haven’t met Mr. or Mrs. Right, but what do you consider “Right?” Have you really mapped out what you are looking for? Are you happy with who YOU are, and do you feel you have a lot to offer to the “Right” person you are searching for? Often, individuals set high standards and request so much of a person, but they themselves do not meet half of their requirements. If you can’t bring the same or something similar to the table…time to re-evaluate your standards – IMMEDIATELY!
I Have Nothing to Offer – You may feel you are not at a point in your life where you can provide to another individual physically, mentally, spiritually, or emotionally…For those in this category, it is an EXCUSE!!!! If you aren’t ready mentally, that is acceptable, but saying you have nothing to offer in general is a cop out. Find a better excuse!
I Don’t Want to Get Married – If you don’t know it, marriage isn’t for everyone! This is totally acceptable, but should be communicated in ANY relationship you come across…providing this type of information allows the person you are involved with to determine if they can deal with not getting married.
So the next time someone asks, you can tell them why you aren’t married, but let them understand, there is a time and a place for EVERYONE who will one day get married and what works for others may not work for you. This will help you better assess your situation, and determine what can be done to fix your “Expired” status…You’re never too old to get married!