I have plenty girlfriends who tell me all the time that they are not exactly sure if they are doing the things that their man wants.
They also complain that their men don’t talk to them about what they want from the relationship: they are expected to “just know.” So I decided, openly, to ask a group of young African men to give me four things they wish their women just knew. Here are the top four points we came up with:
1. The African Man would like a little romance
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It seems that African men feel they have to have a hard exterior, either because that’s how they were raised or because that’s what they think their women want.
Take cues from the song, “Cater to You” by Destiny’s Child. Men appreciate unsolicited affection from time to time: Spontaneously give him a hug or kiss, tell him that the color he’s wearing looks great on him, plan a date without his input, or send him a sweet note at work. It goes a long way to help him feel appreciated.
Now, I will say, if you feel like you already do way too much for your guy and feel like he should step his game up, show him by example! And if he doesn’t get the hint; tell him you will have to get your romance needs fulfilled one way or another.
2. Sex is a very big deal… So what’s the problem?
Every man I talked to complained that they meet a woman and she’s perfect and then suddenly, she stops doing the things she used to do in the bedroom. Suddenly she’s “not feeling sexual” or “acting moody.”
Think of it this way, imagine you have a favorite store that you shop at and suddenly you show up and it’s closed. There’s no sign and no explanation. First you might be upset, but eventually you will find an alternative. So ladies, be wary… if your man hasn’t mentioned that the bedroom has gone cold, don’t think he hasn’t noticed. He’s thinking about it, and if not you need to wonder why he’s not bringing it up!
3. Silence doesn’t mean that he’s bored with you
This is for the woman who thinks that her man’s quiet nature is a sign that the relationship is in trouble. According to my African male panel, Silence does not mean that they have run out of things to talk about or that they are unhappy. It actually means that he’s so comfortable around you, there’s no need to say anything at all!
4. You Don’t look good in that outfit.
My African male panel discussed at length how they hear women rip other women to shreds about how their clothes fit, or how an outfit is “too long” or “too short.” The guys want us women to know that they think about how a woman is dressed too!
Men really struggle with how to avoid sensitive subjects like weight gain and ill-fitting clothes, and he may attempt to sidestep the question by saying “baby, you look good in everything” He would love to say the truth and just say I’m not feeling it, but would like to avoid “a whole other conversation” about why, so on this one ladies, trust your gut (literally). If you don’t think it looks good, take it off.