During an episode of her Khloé in Wonder Land podcast that was released on Wednesday, Khloe Kardashian revealed why she no longer journals, stating that it stems from an incident involving her ex-husband, Lamar Odom.
Per PEOPLE, Kardashian, 41, stated that she previously had dozens of journals dating back to multiple years of her life, but Odom, 46, burned them.
The reality star stated that at the time Odom found her journals, he was “incredibly paranoid” as he was “going through it” and “having a tough time.”
Kardashian said her then-husband “was reading them and just was convinced that I was taking notes and sending them to the government or something crazy,” adding that “he threw all of them into a fire in front of me.”
“I remember sobbing,” she recalled. “It was years of my life in these journals, and they meant so much to me.”
Kardashian stated that she no longer journals because of that experience. She said that feeling was “taken away in a f—ing blink, and what was the point?”
“I do hate that I don’t do it anymore, but I also think there’s a piece of me that doesn’t want to ever risk that that could happen again,” she admitted. “It’s more — I’m not gonna say traumatic — but I just don’t wanna open that up again.”
Kardashian and Lamar tied the knot in 2009 after dating for just a month. She ultimately filed for divorce in 2016 after they separated in 2013. Despite their separation at the time, Kardashian was by the former Los Angeles Lakers star’s side when he was recovering from a nearly fatal drug overdose in 2015.
“Lamar was and is definitely someone that I felt was the love of my life,” she said in a February episode of her Hulu show, per US Weekly. “I got married when I was 24 and although him and I got married 30 days to the day we met, I loved him with all of my heart and soul. I took my vows very seriously and I was married for about seven years. But there were bigger things that were not fixable in that marriage. So the last time I saw him was in 2016.”
Odom, on the show, also showed remorse over his actions and apologized to his ex-wife. “I put you through a lot,” he said. “I f***** up with you. I love you for trying your hardest with me. That love will never go away, I know it won’t.”
